Our Lives So Far (Part Four)

Welcome Back!

So, as you can see, our lives had now taken us down a very unexpected road where funerals played a very big part. Over the years, we have visited many funeral Directors. 

From large multimillion-pound businesses with too many offices to count. To small, independent companies with equipment that looks like it has come out of the 1800s. Probably being passed down from father to son for many generations. 

There always seems to be a thick layer of dust on everything in these offices, including them, and they insist on giving you a cheque every time! Funeral Directors have a very important job, and many traditions go hand in hand with the vocation.



Although some of our older gentleman Funeral Directors can be a little stuck in their ways, I feel the fax machine needs to be let go of now. Every Funeral Director does things a little differently, and when visiting our now many customers with our horses, I began to realise that not everyone was as invested as they should be. To some, not all I hasten to add, but more than felt comfortable, this is just a job.

This is NOT just a job!

This industry is not for everyone, but those who enter into it, need to care, and I mean REALLY CARE. About seven years ago, while sitting aboard one of our carriages outside one of these larger funeral directors' offices, while patiently waiting for them to bring out the coffin and place it in our hearse.

I found myself watching the goings on inside, with them blissfully unaware, I was even there. I concluded that they were just going through the motions. To them, this was just another day, and they were dealing with a wooden box, not thinking about the precious cargo that was stored within.



I understand that as such a big company many families must come to them daily in need of their services. But even so, in my opinion, every family is an individual and should be treated as such. A grieving family doesn’t care that the funeral arranger has seen 4 families already that day.

And nor should they.

They have just lost someone so dear to them, and this is quite possibly the worst time of their lives. They need you to care about them, show empathy, and understand their feelings. They need you to help and guide them through this time with dignity and grace.



You need to be there for them, and they need to feel like you are there for them, without question. Grief takes on so many faces and we all grieve differently. As a Funeral Director and Arranger, you must understand this, and gently guide families through it.

This is not a JOB, this is a VOCATION, a CALLING, this is an HONOUR.

On my way home that evening I called my Mum and told her my feelings. She told me, “Lisa, you could do this, and you could do it well”. She had literally said what I was thinking. There must be a better way to help families when they need us most. 

I was already so proud of our small part in helping people in their time of need, but I knew I was meant for more. I wanted to be there for people from the very first phone call. We all deserve respect and that doesn’t stop when we pass. People need as much care, respect, and dignity, if not more, as when they were alive. 

They have still lived a life and have a story to tell.

They are still loved and deserve the very best care while they are with the Funeral Director. I put my thinking cap on and spent the next two years watching and learning from other trusted Funeral Directors. In those two years I really did discover there are good, bad and some utterly ridiculous companies out there. 

I think the best advice I can give as with any service provider. Before instructing a Funeral Director, ALWAYS DO YOUR HOMEWORK. During this time my mum was sadly diagnosed with Lymphoma Cancer. It didn’t dampen her spirits, and she was the foundation and driving force behind me when setting up Regency Funeral Directors.

She has always been a stickler for grammar and punctuation. Mum proofread any leaflet or brochure before it went to print. Many of her words are still on my website as she helped me write and rewrite the document I still use today.

Sadly, we lost Mum last year, after a 6-year battle with Cancer. She held on as long as she could as she so wanted to see our welcoming little office open its doors. We lost Mum just weeks before this happened, although I feel her with me in everything I do. I know she is so very proud of me and my lovely family. 

I cared for Mum, bringing her home to us, back to our smallholding in Easton where we have our mortuary.

One of the first things we decided to do when setting up our funeral directors was to have our mortuary at home so that people would never be alone. Most companies have their Mortuary and Chapel facilities behind their office.

This is not something I wanted to do.

I couldn’t face the idea of leaving someone alone at night, locking up, and walking away. Many Funeral Directors like ours, are on a high street, with people walking past and busy cars driving by. I didn’t want families to have to come and spend their last moments with their loved ones with what could quite possibly, be a Subway on one side of the office and a Nail Bar on the other. 



No, we needed to do it better. When a loved one comes to us, they are cared for as a family member. I look after everyone as I did my own mum. With all the care, dignity and respect they deserve. Our private chapel, where families can come and spend their last moments together, is a peaceful place with no cars or people walking past.

Just open fields and countryside views.

There is no time limit, and the space is comfortable and welcoming. Our little funeral directors is completely family-run. You will only ever get Eleanor or myself to answer the phone when you call. We are there for you and your loved one from the very start. 

Starting a new business for anyone is hard, to say the least. However, for me, I knew that was what I had to do. I could never have dreamed, though, that all those years ago, as a mother of three young children, I would end up here. Being the owner of two amazing businesses and helping families in need.

I must admit that opening Regency Funeral Directors has, up to this point in my life, been the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew what I wanted to achieve, and how I wanted to be different from other companies. But I could have never imagined being met with distance, disdain, and such an unwelcoming air as I did when we opened our lovely little office. 

I know you shouldn’t take things to heart, but some of the comments and whispers made when we opened our warm little office really cut deep. My whole aim has been to create a warm environment where people feel safe and cared for in their time of need. You do not have to walk into a cold, unwelcoming office environment, where you are met with a disinterested staff member, who you never quite managed to get the name of. 

I wanted people to form a bond with us and feel completely comfortable with us. I need families to know their loved ones are safe and cared for while with us. They come into our home and are never alone. Time has helped, and I feel people are now less shocked and horrified as they pass my door. We have helped many families, and we hope to be able to help many more over the years. 

Death is a very hard subject to talk about. We all want to live forever and hate thinking about our own mortality. But it is a subject we should be talking about because we are all going to die at one time or another, and we need our loved ones to know what we would like to happen to us when the time comes.  

My mum had a funeral that was as individual as she was.

But that was no thanks to her. When she was first diagnosed with cancer, she came up with a brilliant idea of creating a booklet called My Funeral Wishes.

It's just a little notebook with prompts to write down the ideas you have or wish to have carried out at your funeral. You keep it safe, and when the time comes, your family knows exactly what you would like. Mum didn’t want to die; she didn’t want to leave us. She didn’t feel like it was her time yet. So, she really struggled to talk about anything regarding her funeral. 

We found these little booklets all dotted around her house when she did pass. Sadly, she didn’t follow her own advice and none of these booklets were completed. Luckily, I had so many conversations with her when setting up Regency that I knew how to make her send off as individual as she was.

She loved her wicker baskets and some of them now adorn our office. So, it was definitely going to be a wicker coffin for her. Her garden was her pride and joy, and springtime was her favourite time of year.

So, with the help of Andrea at Kimbolton Flowers, who is our florist of choice, we created a spring garden with delicate flowers woven into her coffin with her favourite colour, blue ribbon. Her order of service had a watermark running through each page, showing her stunning garden in all its glory. 

I chose one of our fantastic celebrants, who I knew would create a service that conjured up a picture of who she was and how she lived and loved her family fiercely. Of course, she had to arrive in a white horse-drawn carriage, pulled by two of our stunning greys and driven by her granddaughter Eleanor. 

My Father rode up next to Ellie, never leaving mum's side.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, the care and attention that we put into my beautiful mum's funeral, is the exact same care and attention I put into every funeral that I organise. 

Every person who comes to us is cared for with as much grace and dignity as she was. Every family I look after is truly understood and their needs are cared for as individuals. No two funerals are the same. 

Our funeral deserves to be as individual as we are. Whether we want it to be simple and fuss-free, or a true celebration of life, with all the bells and whistles. I am here for everyone who walks through our door.

Thanks for reading.